The Craving for Freedom

We all long for freedom. Not just political or physical freedom, but the kind that lives quietly inside us.

But what is freedom, really?

Is it the freedom from fear, shame, control, or expectation? Or the freedom to speak, rest, create, choose, and belong?

Can freedom show up in our work, when we no longer feel trapped in roles or titles that don’t fit? In our relationships, when we’re no longer performing to be loved? In our finances, when we can make choices that align with our values, not just our obligations? In our spiritual lives, when we’re free to question, believe, or begin again?

Freedom is both universal and deeply personal. And for many of us, it’s about letting go of guilt, self-doubt, and over-responsibility that shaped us long before we could give consent.

Freedom lives in the mind, the body, the nervous system, and the choices we make. But it often begins in the simplest place: the moment we pause to ask,

What would it mean to be truly free?

To free ourselves from what numbs or binds us, from shame, from toxic patterns, from habits or addictions that no longer serve us. From the silent burdens we carry for others. From the roles we never chose.

But what does it really mean to be free?

For some of us, it’s about reclaiming time, voice, or purpose. For others, it’s about healing from toxic cultural conditioning, religious, familial, or systemic, that told us we were only valuable if we performed, pleased, complied or stayed small.

For me, freedom is not about indulgence or escaping responsibility. It’s about seeing clearly. It’s about recognizing the unconscious patterns that govern our thoughts, feelings, and actions, patterns often rooted in past trauma. It’s about healing what’s been wounded.

And remembering who we were before we had to survive.

“The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.”— Carl Jung

Freedom Begins in the Mind

Before we liberate our lives, we must liberate our minds.

Our thoughts shape our reality. And often, it’s not external circumstances that hold us back, it’s the invisible rules and inherited stories we live by.

The voices that whisper:

• You’re responsible for everyone else.

• You must keep it together.

• It’s selfish to think about yourself.

• You’re only worthy when you’re needed.

  
  

These thoughts aren’t random, they’re the echoes of survival strategies, shaped by upbringing, trauma, and culture. And if we never pause to examine them, we end up building lives around what others needed from us, not around who we truly are.

My Story: Craving Freedom from Guilt and Over-Responsibility

I grew up in a world that didn’t make space for sensitivity or freedom. A world shaped by political, social and emotional oppression, and rigid expectations, especially for girls. Especially for those who had to grow up too soon.

From an early age, I was cast in the role of the strong one. The helper. The fixer. The emotional anchor for others.

When my family fractured, I became the bridge. When grief entered our home, I tried to hold it all together, quietly, compassionately, relentlessly. At school, the environment was harsh. At home, expectations were heavy. And yet, I kept trying. I adapted. I did what I thought love required.

I became capable. Thoughtful. Fiercely dependable. But in the process, I began to disappear.

I lost touch with my own needs. My joy. My voice. My right to just be, without earning it.

And yet, through it all, something within me endured. My inner world, books, imagination, safe friendships, and most of all, my intuition. A quiet knowing that there was more. That I was more than the role I was handed.

For me, liberation has meant slowly unweaving the patterns of false responsibility. It has meant acknowledging that I was shaped by survival. That I abandoned parts of myself not out of weakness, but out of necessity.

Liberation, for me, is no longer carrying guilt that was never mine. It’s remembering that I, too, get to have joy. That freedom isn't something I need to earn, it’s something I’m returning to.

But even with that knowing, freedom doesn’t always come easily. There are forces, both seen and unseen, that keep us tethered to old roles and inherited fears. Before we can move forward, we must ask:

What’s Stopping Us?

There are many forces, internal and external, that limit our sense of freedom:

• Fear of judgment: We worry we’ll be seen as selfish, weak, or wrong.

• Conditioning: From family, religion, or culture, shaping how we “should” behave.

• Perfectionism: We believe we must earn rest or love by doing more.

• Over-responsibility: We’ve been taught that others’ well-being depends on us.

• Habits and addictions: We numb or soothe pain in ways that quietly limit us.

• Guilt and shame: Powerful emotional anchors that tether us to old versions of ourselves.

• Self-doubt: That whisper that keeps us from expanding into who we truly are.

  
  

These forces are real. But they’re not immovable.

What Does It Mean to Liberate Yourself? 

To liberate yourself is to come home to yourself.

It’s not about rejecting others, shirking responsibility, or seeking hedonism. It’s not about chasing pleasure at the expense of depth. It’s about discernment. Clarity. Returning to your true self beneath the coping strategies and inherited obligations.

It’s asking:

• Who am I beyond what I’ve been expected to be?

• What patterns am I ready to break?

• What would it feel like to live for myself, not out of guilt, but out of truth?

  
  

Liberation means:

• Saying no without guilt.

• Letting go of roles you were never meant to carry forever.

• Creating space to hear your own voice again.

• Making peace with the parts of yourself that were silenced or judged.

• Trusting that you don’t have to earn your worth.

• Healing the trauma that told you your needs were dangerous.

How Do We Practice Liberation?

By acknowledging that liberation is a practice. A deep unlearning. A sacred remembering. A value we choose, not once, but again and again.

To be free is not to escape responsibility or pain. It is to face yourself with honesty and courage. And that begins with one of the most radical acts of all: self-awareness.

Make the Unconscious Conscious

Neuroscience tells us that up to 95% of our decisions are made unconsciously (Zaltman, Harvard Business School). That means most of what we think, choose, say, and do is shaped by patterns we don’t even know we’re following.

Old beliefs. Unexamined fears. Inherited roles. Buried memories. Unprocessed trauma.

As Carl Jung wrote:

"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate."

To practice liberation, then, is to shine light on the dark corners of our conditioning, and choose something different.

It’s not easy. But it’s possible. And it’s powerful.

Here are some ways we can begin:

Self-inquiry

What beliefs, identities, and responsibilities are you carrying that no longer belong to you?

Ask yourself often: Is this mine?

What role did I step into, not by choice, but by expectation?

Liberation begins the moment you start questioning the script.

Somatic work

Your body is a truth-teller. It remembers what your mind has been trained to forget. Where do you feel tight, small, afraid? Where does your breath get stuck? Let your body guide you to what needs to be felt, and then released.

Mindfulness & nervous system regulation

Awareness changes everything. Start noticing your patterns. Where do you go on autopilot? What triggers your inner protector or people-pleaser?

With practice, you can shift from reacting in survival… to responding in presence.

Telling your story

There is profound liberation in speaking your truth, especially the parts that were once too tender or taboo to name. Write it. Say it. Witness it. Let someone hold it with you. Truth-telling is soul-repair.

Setting boundaries

Freedom means knowing where you end and others begin. You are not responsible for everyone else’s emotions, outcomes, or happiness. Your “no” is a sacred act of self-trust.

Choosing self-compassion over guilt

We were not raised to be gentle with ourselves. But healing asks for tenderness. You don’t have to punish yourself to be worthy. You don’t have to explain why you need rest.

Honouring your needs

Your desires are not selfish. Your joy is not frivolous. Your rest is not a reward, it is a right. You matter. Every day. Not just when you’re useful.

Practicing liberation is not about perfection, it’s about presence. It’s the courage to pause. To get curious. To re-choose yourself.

“Awareness is the greatest agent for change.”— Eckhart Tolle

What Is There to Gain? 

When we begin to liberate ourselves, we make room for:

• Clarity: About who we are and what we want.

• Energy: Less pretending, more life force.

• Peace: The inner kind that isn’t dependent on others’ moods.

• Joy: Not performative, not borrowed, authentic and rooted.

• Authenticity: The kind that radiates from within, without apology.

• Belonging: First to ourselves, then to others.

  
  

And most of all, we remember that we are not here to carry the weight of the world. We are here to live.

“Freedom is not the absence of commitments, but the ability to choose, and commit myself to, what is best for me.”— Paulo Coelho

Craving for Freedom—Call Answered

It’s not always easy to write, or speak, about freedom. It can feel too intimate, too vulnerable, too big. But in the simplest terms, I believe this: freedom matters.

It matters because joy matters. Because being ourselves, without apology or performance, is a human need.

Freedom isn’t a one-time declaration. It’s a rhythm. A return. A quiet, brave practice of choosing ourselves, again and again, without shame.

Some days, you’ll feel bold and open. Other days, the old voices will creep back in. That’s okay. Tenderness and curiosity can be the best companions on this path.

So ask yourself gently:

Where am I not yet free? And what’s one small act of self-liberation I can choose today?

And if you’re ready to explore that journey with a trusted guide, if you’re craving support, space, and a deeper kind of freedom, I’d be honoured to partner with you.

Reach out. Let’s begin [email me]

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Hi, I’m Monika, Strengths Coach and facilitator. I help individuals and groups cultivate resilience, emotional intelligence, and well-being through strengths-based coaching. Passionate about transformative and creative leadership, I empower leaders to drive meaningful change within themselves, their organizations, and beyond.

I hope you’ll visit often, and I look forward to connecting and working together!