We often rush to fill every pause in the conversation, fearing silence equals a lack of understanding or authority. Yet, emotionally intelligent people embrace silence as a tool for clarity, influence, and connection.
The Habit of Over-Explaining:
Why we tend to over-explain: fear of judgment, lack of confidence, or trying too hard to win approval
Over-explaining can dilute our message, make us appear uncertain, or overwhelm others
How Silence Enhances Emotional Intelligence:
Creates Space for Reflection: Silence allows others to absorb information, process emotions, and respond thoughtfully
Shows Confidence: Resisting the urge to justify yourself reflects self-assurance and mastery of communication
Strengthens Active Listening: Emotionally intelligent individuals pause to hear (not just to reply) making conversations richer
Enhances Connection: A pause invites deeper engagement. It signals respect and gives weight to your words
“When words become unclear, I shall focus with photographs. When images become inadequate, I shall be content with silence.”
― Ansel Adams
Silence also plays a pivotal role in transforming conflict. In moments of tension, silence allows emotions to settle (I write more about it here), preventing reactive responses that can escalate disagreements. It fosters active listening, enabling individuals to truly hear each other’s perspectives and underlying concerns.
By pausing to reflect in silence, we can identify shared values, explore creative solutions, and build trust. In this way, silence can shift the focus from defensiveness to dialogue, laying the foundation for resolution and meaningful transformation.
How to stop over-explaining or immediate problem-solving:
Say Less: Speak your point concisely and trust it
Pause Deliberately: Count to three after sharing an idea
Resist the Urge to Fill Silence: Observe, breathe, and let others speak next
Emotionally intelligent people know that silence is power. By speaking less and listening more, they create space for real understanding to emerge.
As a coach, I'd be happy to help you explore how to embrace silence more comfortably on your leadership journey. Book a complimentary session here
Monika Kawka | Leadership Coach for Women | Gallup Certified Coach | Leadership Coaching for Women | Leadership Strategies for Women
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